I Sea My Fear
by Jatd4ever
Summary: Jester and his thoughts about his day at the beach.


***I don't own Jane and The Dragon or its characters  
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Once a month the castle staff are given a rest day. How they spend it is up to their choosing. A game of bandy ball would've sufficed for me but the rest had other plans. Led by our fearless lady knight, we all mount Dragon, even Gunther for who knows why. A Dragon ride I thought it would merely be, but when Dragon started getting closer and closer to the end of Kippernia, where there is only sand, surf, and waves it becomes apparent. Landing softly, we're on the Kipper Cove, the last place I wanted to be.

All the guys took off their shirts and or tunics while the girls stayed in their normal attire as they took a plunge into the ocean. Deciding it's too cold to swim, Dragon falls asleep in a cave nearby. Being the only one still standing while they frolic, laugh and be merry, I sit on a large flat rock with a book in hand facing me, with my eyes looking away from it, upon them. Gunther is obviously flexing his pecks to catch the girls attention while Rake admires the green floating sea plant that has no name, and Smithy showing pig how to piggy paddle.

Isn't it sad? Isn't it laughable? No, I'd say they're having fun. So why do I watch from the sidelines? Even if I wanted to get into the water, I can't. Not only can I not swim, but I'm not in good health. It's not my physical health that ails me, but it be that of the mind. I fear I could drown.

Once, I snuck off to swim here, but I almost drowned in the overpowering waves. If Jane wasn't on patrol at that time I would have drowned. Ever since, large bodies of water cause me discomfort. No one knows this, only I know. Of course I'd love to tell Jane that I'm in pain, that I wish she could help me. But, I want to get stronger for her so I can't.

Someday I'll be with them giggling, playing sneak and scare, or playing dread. Wait, I rephrase that playing dead is a no.

Over and over do the waves splash against the shore, and slowly I'll forget my troubles as I concentrate on Jane's laughter. Right now I don't mind too much. It's different when you watch at the sidelines, you get to spot things others don't. You may overhear things you don't want to hear like Gunther's terrible singing, you may see things you don't want to see like shirtless men you call friends trying to catch your girls attention, and worst of all you may smell things you don't want to like Dragons farts after eating one too many fish.

Later on, as the sun sets casting the sky with the loveliest shades of reds, orange, and purples, they still continue to swim in that ocean that taunts me with its calmness now. Or how about when the sun goes to sleep while the moon comes out to play? Doesn't the sound of a moonlight swim sound romantic? I'd love to do that with her, if only I didn't fear the sea like I do.

When everyone goes to sleep, I'm still awake waiting for the time I'm not afraid anymore. I walk along the waves, close but without touching the water. I only feel the moist sand go through my toes as I search for the meaning of this place.

Finding a large clam shell, I wonder of its days before this, when it was still very much alive. It makes me wonder whether or was a boy or girl, if he or she had someone they cared about, and about the dreadful moment it lost its life. Was is it eaten? Killed? Our did it die naturally like all things do? Turning over the orange shell and going over the lines and curves I wonder some more if it death was monetary. Did it hurt? It probably did. Putting the shell away in my pocket I decide it will one day have a new purpose, perhaps a necklace for my dear Jane.

Turning back, I go sit on that flat rock from hours before and lay back and stare at the starry sky. The glittering lights in the sky we call stars remind me of how small we are. Or how we're merely a drop in the bucket, space dust no one can see. Just tiny, tiny dust like the sand that becomes glass. Oh how easily glass can be broken, how it can cut you and send you bleeding red.

When the sun reappears, I'm awaken from my slumber. The sky is burning with the lightest pinks and reds that remind me of that hair of yours that dances in the wind as you dance along the shore, how it gets in your eyes, then I think of those eyes when you move you hair away from them.

Soon it will fade to black, like nighttime if I don't run away. My fear is my worst enemy, and I'll find a way over it, just not today. I want to swim in the sea too, I want to have fun with you and someday I will, just not yet. Not yesterday, not today, or tomorrow, but one day.

Mounting dragon we all head back to the castle early before everyone else wakes. Seeing the water get farther and farther away, I'm inspired to write a poem.

_Float away troubles, _

_wash away pain_

_I'll become clean of all this disdain_

_Wipe it all clean till I don't fear anymore_

_Until I don't hate you anymore_

_I want peace_

_Like the waves bubbles_

_Until my fear is gone forevermore_


End file.
